There is actually a course offered at some medical schools called Empathetics. It was developed by a psychiatrist who was working with anorexic patients—a population some thought simply refused to eat. Many young girls were dying of starvation, and the words “just eat” were not working. But when clinicians were trained in empathy—trained to listen to the often traumatic experiences that kept anorexics from eating normally, they could be helped.
I know a man that is embroiled in a lawsuit with a former business partner. They were boyhood friends, the families were close. But based on some life difficulties, they had differences. Instead of using empathy and trying to work through the issues dividing them, the company is now pretty much gone. What easily would have made them both very wealthy—had empathy been applied—is lost and so is the friendship.
Em’pa·thy: It stops bad things from happening.
But, too often the other E-word wins. Our egos keep us from being empathetic. Our egos tell us we are in the right. Our egos keep us from looking at anyone else’s point of view. EGO stands for Edge God Out. Only with our God-directed minds can we sincerely apply empathy and understanding to others. Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” Empathy naturally follows.
In one of my recent blogs I wrote about our need to prove ourselves right. I wrote that being right is vastly overrated. We are addicted to our “rightness.” But…what if we just didn’t do that? What if we try to understand another’s opinion? What if our “just eat” position while right for some is wrong for others?
Interestingly, the psychiatrist who developed the Empathetics course, did some studies on working doctors and clinicians. Patients were poled on the experiences, and the study revealed: “Through empathy—through really listening to patient’s stories and creating a safe space for them to talk about things that were troubling or shameful or traumatic, the doctors activated a power that is the key to healing. It’s all about being understood and feeling that someone truly cares.”
So, transfer that to your world. Do you have an unruly teenager who is causing trouble? Do you have an employee who clearly doesn’t seem to care about his work? A partner with whom you’d like to part ways? Or an issue that is broader—political, racial, religious? The answer to all of the above is empathy. I am trying now to ask more caring questions and to really hear the answers. To do nothing from rivalry or conceit. To be empathetic, counting the person more significant than myself. To be more present.
We are all on a path. We fall off the path, we get back on. (All part of the path.)
Nancy
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