For all those working with reentrants, or related to someone who is incarcerated, I end this year with my take on some of the important lessons I’ve learned about the pitfalls that sidetrack even the most success-oriented returnees. Here you go:
Pitfall #1 – Thinking I’m back!: You are not… yet. Reentry is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s like the pregnant woman who has the baby and thinks she’ll get her figure back the next day. She won’t. But one day she’ll look in the mirror and say, “I look pretty good!” Hang in there.
Pitfall #2 – Looking back: Uh. Again. No. Wallowing might get you some sympathy, but it is a waste of time. Remember the Bible’s Paul who had made it his business to kill as many Christians as possible? But later -he didn’t go around talking about his bad decisions. He wrote: “One thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.” Move on, do good.
Pitfall #3 – Being a loner: Family and respected friends are the reentrant’s foundation on which to build a future. Make up, say sorry, renew connections and make new, better ones. Don’t be alone.
Pitfall #4 – Spitballing: Nothing requires more strategic thinking than making a success in life after incarceration. Above all plan to get a job. We call it the ABC’s of work…Get Any job, move up to a Better job, find a Career. Economic security is the best foundation for enjoyment, health, and the welfare of the reentrant and his or her family.
Pitfall #5 – Avoiding education: Bad idea. Reentrants have the benefit of different kinds of free training. Some programs will even pay a person as they earn a certificate that can open doors to high-paying jobs. Do the work and it will pay off.
Pitfall #6 – Forgetting God: Pastors who work in prisons will tell you, there are many committed Christians in prison, but for many, it all flies away when they are released. The “outside” is constantly tempting, people are busy, and many reentrants don’t feel the need for the spiritual guidance they once craved. Decision making can take a nose dive here. Beware.
Pitfall #7 – Making snap decisions: We have seen reentrants walk off jobs over being ‘disrespected’ and women marry the first guy who comes along. Another gets mad and walks out of housing without even having another place to stay. These poor choices can short-circuit an otherwise great reentry. Reentrants should talk to trusted advisors before making big moves. Bottom line: Make decisions s-l-o-w-l-y with a cool head.
Pitfall #8 – Self limiting: Most reentrants define themselves by past mistakes. They are pretty sure they can’t amount to anything, won’t get a good job, or feel they aren’t smart enough. The opposite is true. In our Jobs for Life classes, we get reentrants to take the blinders off and make them see the talents they have, the things they are good at, and help them to consider jobs that they would love, jobs that can turn into a real career. It works.
Pitfall #9 – Being a big spender: Having money after not having money is a wonderful feeling. Of those reentrants lucky enough to have a job, some will spend everything they have with every check they get. Financial security is built on saving a little every payday. Spend some, save some, and give some, is the way to a beautiful life—one that can belong to anyone—even a person who has seen trouble and incarceration.
Pitfall #10 – Hanging with old friends: This is the BIG ONE. Reentrants should not go back to the people or situations that got them into trouble. Here’s where to seek out respected people who give caring advice built on years of experience, and then follow that advice. Falling into the same cesspool that put a reentrant behind bars might be the No. 1 biggest mistake he or she can make. Great people are out there to help!
This is what we all need to understand about reentry: Freedom is both a blessing and a curse. We make roughly 30,000 decisions a day on the outside, but for a person who has been incarcerated for a long time, the freedom of decision making can be overwhelming. Reentrants need a respected mentor who can help guide a reentrant, so that life on the outside gets better and better and decision-making ceases to be a challenge.
We are praying for that “better and better” life for reentrants every day,
Nancy
Great comments and right on about what those who have been in prison need to be wary of when released back into society!! I hope every reentrant is given your article. I know it is written from the heart with a lot of experiencence!
Great blog post! Please share with the folks I introduced you to at True Charity since they published that recent article about their partner working in reentry ministry.